Holding Pattern

It's coming up on my one year anniversary at the hospital, which means its time for my annual review. My boss sent me an email asking me to send her a list of my goals for next year, and I realized I don't know what they are. Having such a huge career change this past year, I have no clue what I want my career goals to be or even what they should be. When I was working in Marketing, I knew that the ultimate goal was becoming a Marketing Manager, so I wanted to become a Marketing Coordinator then work my way up. Here, in Finance land, I don't know what the next step is.

When she first asked me what my goals were, I started listing off things in my head. Well there's the obvious, Love God and people more, close escrow on our house...basketball season is starting soon, so another goal would be that I have a great team of amazing girls again this year, other than that. I'm not sure what I would want. It's so funny to have goals outside of work and my career. For years, all of my goals were related to my career and getting ahead, its funny how things change.

After getting hired on at the hospital, and I went through three or four multiple career plans. I started my teaching credential, I thought about going into business for myself, all random ideas that lead me no where. Until one day I finally felt God calling me just to wait. Wait in Him because He has a plan for my life, and right now I'm right where I need to be. I don't know if my job will change once we get a house, or if I'll be at the hospital forever. Right now my life is in a holding pattern. I'm ready to take off, but I'm getting held up by air traffic control, until they're ready to let me take off.

If you had asked me a year or so ago, or even when I graduated from grad school, I would have been so frustrated that I didn't have an ultimate career goal or path to get achieve that goal.  I was okay with being that intense about life and my career, one of my top strengths was achiever. Today, I'm okay with not having a goal. I'm perfectly fine getting up every day and coming to a job that I feel so blessed to have. While its not my ideal job or really what I want to do for the rest of my life, this job has provided way more opportunities then I'd get anywhere else.

I know God has a plan for my life, and I'm willing to sit and wait for Him to reveal it to me instead of trying to find it on my own.

"It's time to let go!"

I recently watched one of my all time favorite movies, Walt Disney and Pixar's Finding Nemo. I really enjoy everything about this movie, however there is always one of the scenes that stand out to me.

While trying to find Nemo, Marlin and Dory come across a Humpback Whale, that Dory insists on asking for help, because she can speak whale. As she's speaking to this whale, the whale proceeds to open its mouth and "eat" the two traveling buddies. While in this whale's mouth Dory is enjoying the ride while the worrier that Marlin is, is protesting everything and every moment they're in this whale's mouth. Then at the very climactic moment of the scene, the amount water in the whale's mouth begins to drop and it appears that Marlin and Dory are done for. Dory asks the whale what to do, being that she can speak and understand whale, she tells Marlin that the whale insists on heading to the back of his throat. Dory eagerly does what the whale says, where Marlin protests and hangs on to one of the whale's taste buds for as long as he can.

Dory: He (the whale) says, "It's time to let go!". Everything's going to be all right! 

Marlin: How do you know? How do you know something bad isn't gonna happen?! 

Dory: I-I don't!

After that Dory lets go and both her and Marlin are shot out of this giant whale's blow hole and they end up exactly where they needed to be.

It's amazing to me, because this one short scene in the movie is the one that usually stands out the most to me. How often do I ask God for his help, however I refuse to let go and trust Him when He tells me its time. I protest constantly along the road of getting to where God wants me to be and get terrified when I'm told to let go because I don't know what the next step is or where I'm going to end up. However, every time I've surrendered to God and let go, I always end up exactly where God wants me.

How I wish I had the faith that Dory had in that whale, to relinquish control and to trust completely in the plans that God has for me.