Love through Christ

Over my life, there have been many glimpses of Christ's love pouring out of someone as they touched another person's life. There were always those times on missions trips or church youth group events, where you would see this outpouring of Christ's love into a community or to touch a life. However there are very few moments that I can recall that I have seen this in my day to day life.

My grandmother has been diagnosed with Dementia with Alzheimer's traits and has been in an assisted living home for the past three years. Unfortunately over the past few months her condition has become worse and her health has been declining drastically. Since we do not know how much longer we will have her here with us, my family and I went to visit her yesterday after church.

My mom is an only child and has been taking care of my grandma to the best of her ability for the past three years trying to make her comfortable and make sure she had the very best care possible. However, yesterday I noticed something different about how she cared for her mom. The loving touches she would give her mom, the way she would brush her hair out of her face, and the way she fed her so she could make sure she was getting nourishment were so patient and so kind. Still today I'm amazed at my mom and how she showed all the love she had for her mom and had done everything she could to let her mom know how much she loved her. She didn't do this begrudgingly or act like this time with her mom was inconveniencing her, she sat there and focused solely on her mom and her well being. Through my mom's outpouring of love I feel as if I was finally able to see a physical example of how our Heavenly Father cares for us and how He expects us to love other people.

How often is it that we get caught up in our own lives and our own agenda that we forget other people? I could have very well missed this opportunity yesterday to see my mom's love because of other things I had to do in order to get ready for the week ahead. Instead I was able to witness this amazing act of love and kindness and a perfect example of how we are supposed to love others. The second greatest commandment after loving God with everything we have inside of us is to love our neighbors. We often forget this point in this "me-centered" world we live in, but how can we truley love God if we're not loving our neighbors?

"Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
Matthew 22:37 - 39

Scared

I heard of a book recently by Francis Chan called Crazy Love, and since Francis Chan was one of the best chapel speakers that I heard during the three years that I attended chapel at APU, I eagerly requested my good friends at the APU bookstore to hold a copy of this book for me so I could read this book. Even though we are starting it in our couples Bible Study in a month, I just couldn't wait, I was so excited to dive into this book.

I'm currently on page 68 of this wonderfully written book and I'm honestly scared to continue reading. This book has presented numerous concepts that we've all learned over the years growing up in the church, and brushed them into the neat and tidy "Sunday School Lessons" pile that we bring out when we're trying to appear good on the outside. Concepts like the fact that God is all-knowing, all-powerful, holy, and eternal, or that no day is guaranteed and I could die before I finish writing this blog. There have been thought provoking thoughts and quotes throughout these 68 pages, but I've gotten to this point now, this point where I'm terrified to continue reading.

I've reached the chapter entitled "Profile of the Lukewarm", which corresponds to Revelations 3:16 "So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth." This verse is not new to me, I've heard it numerous times throughout my life. However, it never really hit me before like it did today.

I've always been relatively consistent in attending church, I'll even volunteer every once in a while, when it fits in my schedule, of course. I attended a Christian university, took numerous classes that dealt with the Christian faith and understanding certain books of the Bible on a deeper level, of course these classes were mandatory and I needed them in order to graduate. I attended chapel for three out of the four years that I attended APU, but I made sure I used my ten absences and might have even had a friend fill out a chapel attendance card for me once in a while. I have always tried to maintain the appearance of being a Christian and have consistently worn masks depending on who I am around, careful not to offend anyone either way. I'll even use the customary "I'll be praying for you" statement on numerous occasions, way too many to count actually. Looking back, I've always flown right under the radar and have been careful not to try to offend people when I talk about what school I attended or what I do with my weekends.

All of this I can explain away, obviously, its what I do best. Being a 6' tall girl it's hard not to stand out, and since I tend to lean towards being introvert, I tried my best to do nothing that made me stand out amongst the crowds. I enjoyed being mediocre at things, it never brought too much attention to me. So why wouldn't those traits be passed over into my walk with God as well?

All of this has led me to this point, where I'm scared to continue reading this book about a Crazy Love that we're supposed to have with God. If I'm supposed to truly be a Christ Follower, like I have claimed to be for the past 17 years of my life, my idea of what that looks like is going to need to change. The following quote is where I've stopped reading and has driven this self loathing ramble that I've been on for the past 20 minutes.

"Are you satisfied being 'godly enough' to get yourself to heaven, or to look good in comparison to others? Or can you say with Paul that you 'want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death' (Phil 3:10)?"

This quote has me terrified, not because I'm afraid that this is the wrong decision or that I don't want to love God as much as He wants me too, it's more because my life has to change. I can no longer quietly follow God and do the bare minimum in order to get by and to get myself only into heaven. I must change how not only I follow God but also how I live my life, which will mean that I will have to stand out amongst the crowd. Not only that, but I'm going to have to change the way I live my life. Francis Chan also gives another example using the parable that Jesus taught about the sower and the field. I've always assumed that I was good soil, how wrong have I been. "A relationship with God simply cannot grow when money, sins, activities, favorite sports teams, addictions, or commitments are piled on top of it...Has your relationship with God actually changed the way you live? Do you see evidence of God's kingdom in your life? Or are you chocking it out slowly by spending too much time, energy, money, and thought on the things of this world?" (p. 67)

I'm going to have to change my comfortable life, remove my numerous distractions, and relearn how to live and love a God that deserves so much more then I have given him in the past. This is going to be a huge step for me and is going to require a lot of work within myself in order to give myself 110% unto God. I ask for your prayers as I embark on this journey, not only that I will continue to change and develop a deeper love for God that ends up radiating out of me, but that I don't fall back into my old ways where I'm just a face amongst the crowd. I want to stand out and use all of me in everything that I am to glorify my God and give Him the love and honor He deserves.

God is good!

God is so good and once again Jon and I are feeling His blessings.

A year ago, Jon's mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. After a successful surgery and some chemo, she had no traces of cancer. Recently she had her annual check up with her doctors and they had requested an extra scan. Since the doctors had told her that this extra test was a necessity, we all began to feel a little nervous that the cancer she had and had fought so hard to overcome was back. However, God has continued to show His goodness and faithfulness and has answered our prayers. All of her tests came back negative and there are no traces of cancer!

All of this has just been a reminder to both Jon and me of God's faithfulness. He is in control of our lives and will continue to guide each of our steps.

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
Psalm 91:1-2

Spots on the Picture

There are so many times in my life that I think, in my smallness, that I know better then God does about what is right for my life. Jon and I have been very blessed in our lives so far, and really have nothing to complain about; we both have good jobs, a roof over our head, cars that run, an adorable dog, and a great marriage, but there are those times when I can't see any of that.

There are these little insignificant things, that are not a big deal, that become these huge dark spots on this perfect picture that God has painted for us and ruin the picture. God has been so faithful in everything He has done for Jon and I (there are way too many ways we've been blessed to list them), why is it so easy to forget those things and focus on those dark spots on the picture? It is only through focusing on Him that these dark spots begin to fade and I can begin to see this beautiful picture that God is painting just for me.

I still have those days where the dark spots begin to cloud in, and I start to focus on the little things, at that point I have to stop and remind myself to focus on Him. I am a work in progress.